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Within the top 5 episodes of Ren and Stimpy lies the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen. Unlike the majority, there was enough grotesque cat and dog goodness in this episode to fill the pre AND post commercial breaks segments in one continuous story line. Not to mention a musical number that had you singing like a member of a demented cult for kids hopped up on too many sugared cereals and toaster pastries.


While in the Kilted Yaksmen, Stimpy volunteers the duo for a dangerous mission out in the Canadian Wilderness. We're not aware of too many details of this mission other than they're in search of the "great barren wasteland" and are out $5 and a shot at staying at base with the ample-bosomed womenfolk. Oh, and that they travel on the backs of Yaks.


Forced to battle against harsh climate, stinky outhouses, an attack by a kodiak marmoset, and drinking bees, Ren finally comes to a starving halt. Wasting, downtrodden, and defeated, he cries to Stimpy to turn back. Stimpy offers him a smile and inspiration in the form of the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen anthem. The anthem starts slowly and proceeds into a full-fledged musical number complete with sing-along subtitles and random kilted animals joining in the choir. Spirits renewed and asses exposed by upwinds, Ren and Stimpy march onward in their journey.


Boiling under the orange sun, our heroes and their yaks are crawling on their bellies across the hot, grainy sand of the Canadian desert. One of the yaks finally cracks under the pressure, screaming out like a psychotic middle school gym teacher as his students invent full-contact tennis. The derangement is mainly due to a lack of food, and after sitting on the problem for a few days, the solution becomes clear.


They forge a divining rod and search for dirt. Ren clarifies that not all dirt can be eaten -- some of it is poisonous. Soon a geyser of dirt is struck and the party feasts on dirt cakes and dirt on the cob until their stomachs bust out like Alec Baldwin on a bender. When the sun rises the next morning they wake to a full belly and the end to their great adventure. The flag is planted and they salute til the last of their days.


Lastly, we get our spoof commercials that the show became so famous for. Powdered Toast Man comes to the rescue of two children's breakfast with his Vitamin-F fortified powdered toast in a can. After the mouthing-numbingly nutritious breakfast the kids fly out the window only to find themselves plummeting to their doom. Luckily, they are saved by the power of Powdered Toast Man's squishy butt cheeks and cling tenaciously to them as he flies the kids safely home.


We're also introduced to Sugar Sod Pops, a cereal that boasts the flavor or a freshly mowed lawn. I'm sure kids thought they kit the jackpot with mother-approval and a dirt clod mascot dancing and singing with a worm through his head, but it gets even better with a free praying mantis in every box.

While we have no lederhosen or mudskippers in this episode, what we do have is musical genius second only to the Happy Happy Joy Joy song. Without a deal as a commercial background jingle, I'm afraid the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen anthem shall forever remain in it's shadow.


PART 4 >>> (coming soon)


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