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I'm an avid user of Netflix, and completely devour every DVD that's sent to me. I hate going to the movies unless it's empty because people tend to get pissed when I prop my feet on the chair in front of me and they're, y'know, occupying that chair. On the occasions I must attend a movie when it's packed, I typically dress as freakish as possible and exude an aura of, "If you sit next to me, I will slit your motherfucking throat." I need my personal space. Plus I hate setting my purse on the sticky floor.

Lately there's been a battle raging between Netflix and Blockbuster in which Blockbuster professes its superiority because you can exchange your DVDs for new ones at the store. The whole point of me getting DVD-by-mail is that I want to go outside as little as possible. Outside scares me -- that's where hobos live. If I wanted to go out there, I certainly wouldn't spend so much time trying to get into professions with high amounts of telecommuters.

Thankfully, I'm one of the people that already have "Watch Now" set up on their account, meaning I can stream movies right from my computer. The selection is a little short right now since it's just starting up, but when I get the hankering to watch A Clockwork Orange at 3am and sadly remember I don't OWN A Clockwork Orange, it's like a little slice of heaven right on my PC. Viddy well.

One of the titles that caught my attention was Rockin' With Roseanne: Calling all Kids. I luff Roseanne and I was even one of the 12 people that actually watched her talk show. It boggled my mind to see old "it's okay to steal stoves" Roseanne transform into, "don't be scared of monsters under your bed" Roseanne. With footie pajamas.

oh noes

I suppose if you're a child and you've never been scarred by seeing Estelle Parsons in full bondage gear, you'll enjoy this more thoroughly than those of us that have. It was like The Wiggles combined with The Big Comfy Couch all mixed in a rotten pickle barrel and topped with some bad Flash animations. When it wasn't making me wish I was drunk, it was making me wish I was dead drunk. Someone get me a long black cab.

This would have been slightly more bearable if instead of having one song after the other there were breaks in the middle. Maybe have some puppets come out and show you how to make a phone out of two paper cups and string. Even Fred Penner had stories going on in between singing Happy Feet and The Cat Came Back.

10

The skit pictured above featured Roseanne singing about how much she hates going to the doctor. Her backup dancers are skeletons in lab coats dancing against a backdrop of colored balls and straws. As for Roseanne's singing skills.... well.... the musical composition wasn't particularly complex. It doesn't take an American Idol to belt out a reasonable rendition of Teddy Bear Picnic.

This is worth watching for a few minutes, and then fast forwarding through the rest of it. I wouldn't buy it, unless you really feel like boring the hell out of a child. But if you're feeling a little masochistic and/or sloshed, go for it.

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