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Despite the ongoing internet battles that proceed on the subject of designs for the 2007 Transformers movie, I can't see what the big deal is about changing around a nose shape. As a girl, I know that trends change, and the Transformers should keep up with new styles like everyone else. As technology and design reach amazing new heights, robots should assimilate and prepare for artistic license.

I'm only a Transformer fan on the novice level. I have a couple novelty items, I've seen a handful of episodes, I know most of the basics and have my preferences. When it comes to mechs in general, my favorite is the Brutishdog, based almost solely on its color -- pink. Much like Arcee, the female autobot, the color occasionally changed from carnation pink to practically red when brought into toy form.

There's been a few girl Transformers in the series, but they mainly serve as fanboy masturbation fodder. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've encountered a really girly robot, even if I include Vicki from Small Wonder and Rosie from the Jetsons. Hence, I decided it was time to break the mold and make my own fabulously glam Transformer.

Despite visiting many toy stores, it wasn't until I voyaged to Target that I found the canvas I was looking for. Because I love bastardizing things to make grown men cringe, I decided to fabulize the leader himself -- Optimus Prime. At $19.99 the Classic Voyager Optimus Prime was the perfect size for my project.

Before

My painting experience hasn't expanded much beyond still life and painting nails. Knowing that Testors paints are not only expensive, but aren't commonly available in girlish colors, I stuck with my guns and bought nail enamel instead. Nail enamel comes in about every color you can imagine and you can buy bottles of it for as cheap at 97¢. Best of all it comes complete with brush, so you don't have to worry about clean up. Just for the delicious comicality, I picked up a couple bottles of ORLY.

Production

One limb at a time, I began the tedious task of painting Optimus. After the first coat, he was coming along quite nicely. I was having some trouble getting my brush into all the grooves and slots, but I gave it a little time and patience. I also kept a bottle of blackberry vanilla scented nail polish remover by my side -- just in case.

At this stage I realized the color wasn't enough to pull this project together. It was time to pull out the big guns -- bling. The gray spots of Optimus were left gray, but coated with a clear silver glitter polish twice over to give it an extra sparkly sheen. I also applied some very small pink gems to spots on his shoulders as well as his belt area.

final

Covering the black with a crisp crimson turned out even better than I'd hoped. The color is profoundly rich, and makes his wheels look like large round rubies. A few accents were painted neon pink to give a little extra edge. Start to finish, I'd estimate the painting time at around 12 hours. My work area wasn't well ventilated, and I couldn't smell anything but paint fumes for 3 days straight. It was a small price to pay to make a vision reality.

close

The end product may be imperfect, although given the tools and my amateur abilities, this thing is an idol. There's a spot missing in grooves here and there, but in person he looks absolutely scrumptious. I'm considering making this figure my new hood ornament; all I need is a roll of pink duct tape.

 

 

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mystie@crowncombo.com