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Forest faces are horrible little pieces you can tack into trees to make them look like The Forest of No Return from Babes in Toyland. They're creepy under normal circumstances, but on Halloween faces on trees become even creepier. Especially on spooky old trees covered in spider webs with makeshift ghosts tied on with strings.

Max here, for example, is a standard Forest Face. Except this special version of Max glows in the dark. The problem with this is most things that glow in the dark need to first be charged with strong beams of light. I doubt they'll produce much of a glow past dusk and I just can't bear spending my hard-earned money to find out. Plus there's no more trees in my yard short of evergreens. Despite the fact that my mennonite neighbors like to help themselves to things like our pool I'm not bold enough to help myself to their trees. I'll just spy on them from my room instead. They'll never find out that I said that. They're mennonites, they can't use the internet.

While the green faced witch isn't without its charm, the o' naturale one wins by a landslide. It looks like a witch was cursed into the tree or perhaps not-so-cleverly disguising herself as one. Either way, if I was a kid and spotted this in the dark on All Hallow's I'd jump 50 feet in the air and pass out. It's not something you'd expect to see like plastic ghosts and straw-stuffed dummies. Witch faces in trees? That's some spooky shit, even in daylight.

Overall, I'm kinda wishing I had some trees in front of my house now. Maybe I can find a public tree with high trick-or-treat traffic.


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