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Whoever created Mad Libs is probably sitting on a gold mine by now. The only person I can think of that pumps out more books than the Mad Libs people is probably Nora Roberts. In fact, Nora Roberts' books might as well be Mad Libs because it's the same hokey romance story except with different names, time periods, and settings. But, you didn't come here to listen to my beef with romance novelists. You came here for some Mad Libs action.

The unfortunate thing about not having any close friends is that it becomes harder to find people to poll for Mad Libs. Polling people at random tends to cause some quizzical expressions and raised eyebrows. They do have adult Mad Libs now, but I can't see anyone outside the scope of drunken Star Wars geeks using them.

How did I get around this? AIM. Yes, I started randomly IMing people on my buddy list. "Name a noun. Now an adjective. Now another noun." Here's our Monster Mad Lib!

A new movie has just opened called "The Teenage Lemon Meets the Voluptuous Vampire From Outer Space." At the opening we see the teenage hero, played by Jack Nicholson, who is a nifty scientist. He is trying to build a fruity monster out of old penguins and used hammers. The monster has green skin and 12 arms and is played by Janet Jackson. Suddenly, the monster comes to life and kidnaps the beautiful heroine, played by Marilyn Monroe. Then he begins to destroy San Francisco. In the end, the monster is destroyed by the vampire, who is played by Harrison Ford. And the hero and the heroine live quickly ever after.

night of mad libs

In our youth we used Mad Libs as a fun way to learn our word types while giggling profusely as we input the word "booger" in a story. After a while it became a contest among friends of who could think of the most disturbing words to fill in the blanks. With that in mind, let's take a look at our Night of the Living Mad Lib.

One night I was sitting alone in my drippy house sipping a cup of vaginal fluid as I read from an old Pakistan. Suddenly, there was a shiny noise coming from the Donald Trump. The hair on the back of my douche stood straight up, and I got yellow-bellied marmot bumps all over my body. Then I remembered this Matt was supposed to be haunted. Someone or something was down in the booger. I heard clanking lesbians, as if a John Travolta were being dragged across the floor of a Mystie. The room suddenly became limp and cold. A big white Boy George floated right through the door. I nearly fisted in my pants. Speaking in a spiny voice, the ghost said something I'll never forget if I live to be 8,273, "I've just come from the bathroom, and you're all out of Julia paper."

scooby doo

Admittedly, I've never been a big fan of Scooby Doo. A Pup Named Scooby Doo was kind of cute, but the entire series has just been soooo played out. I'll still watch the live actions movies if they're playing on Cartoon Network, but that's about the extent of my Scooby love. Even boxes of cookies claiming to be Scooby Snacks have little effect on me. On Halloween I'll cut them a little more slack. Let's check out the Scooby Doo Halloween Mad Lib.

Scooby and Shaggy went trick-or-treating. Shaggy was dressed up like Christopher Walken, while Scooby was going as a frog. They stopped at a puffy house and knocked on the bathroom. "Oh fuck!" they both yelled. Shaggy got a dinglemahopper. "Hey Scoob, what did you get?" he asked.
"I got a rooby rack!" Scooby said crappily.
"I wish I'd gotten a Scooby snack," Shaggy replied. Next they stopped by Old Man Mr. Roboto's house. Scooby got another Scooby snack, but Shaggy just got a kick in the toe!
"That does it!" Shaggy said squeamishly. "We're switching costumes!" At the next house a rubbery party was going on. "Look, it's Christopher Walken! they all shouted, and rushed up to Scooby to get his autograph. Meanwhile, the local frog catcher caught Shaggy in a net and took him away in a hearse.

And that's a wrap! Have a _______ Halloween!

 

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