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Not all people are aware of this, but Barbies are hard working and industrious little dolls. They've done everything from pilot planes to winning gold medals to being medical professionals. How did you think she afforded that fancy Dreamhouse? Ken didn't go shit but surf and shave all day. Where was he when Barbie was off teaching preschool? I'll tell you where -- sitting around the house in his plastic underwear.

Crayon-Making may not have been one of Barbie's greatest professions, but it's still a notch in her belt of occupations. It's never been brought to the attention of the consumers due to the conspiracy involved. You see, Barbie doesn't just make crayons -- the makes them NAKED. As in with no clothes on... like nature intended.

Never has this feat been captured, as security on the facilities is tight and steadfast. But, there's always ways to sneak about such things. If I told you how I managed this act, I'd have to kill you. Don't ask, don't tell. Without further ado, let's take a look at Naked Barbie crayon manufacturing.


First we see Barbie setting fresh course to begin her strenuous workday. 2 packs of color, one cool and one warm, are nested near the machinery. The smell of crayon is an intoxicating aroma. Naked Barbie is excited at the prospect of beginning her work.


She starts by selecting which colors to mix for the swirled crayons. Pieces of white, red, and pink are mixed together, bringing what will hope to combine together into a romantic whirl of drawing materials.


After that, a cool selection is made. It's bold and icy... beautiful as it is both simple and yet so sophisticated.It's both rain and wind in wax form. Never yielding. Never turning back. Never regretting the past worries that may return and haunt again someday. You may just see it as blue, yellow, and greens, but to Naked Barbie it's a virgin sea.

Finally, throwing caution to the wind! It's an all out battle royale crayola style! She gives it all she's got, practically quaking at her boldness. Her body shakes. Inside... she quivers. Then outside she quivers. The creation may be just too much for mortal men.


Before she can change her mind, the trap is set! Down goes the lid, locking destiny into place. The dials are turned and slowly, surely, magic is happening in the Crayola Crayon Factory. Ah, the aroma grows more pungent, practically seeping into Naked Barbie's pores and becoming one with her skin. The wax miner arises from the caves to congratulate her on the magnificent work she has set forth.


Sugar Bear: I can't get enough of that Sugar Pussy.

The minutes of waiting is an eternity. Barbie sits quietly, reflecting, as the cave dweller cleans the mess left behind from a day of revelations. Should the creations forge as planned, the Gods themselves will be red-faced with jealousy. Anticipation is the worst part of this sin. Waiting... as though you will become either devil or angel when the results are reality.

The light goes out. It's time for the insanity to be poured forth into it's suffocating molds. Slowly, with great skill and delicacy, the liquid is poured into the containment centers.


Oh ruthless fate! Oh cruel world! The final monument has collapsed into a clogged wreck of blasphemy by man kind. Romance, ice, they have survived the torment from above. This final boldness fought the odds and lost. The sin against nature will not be embodied into a crayon.


Saddened by the loss, Naked Barbie weeps internally. The day is not yet over. The remaining offspring still need their protective paper casing. With a heavy heart, the shells are bound around the remaining survivors. Her head held high, she presents her sheer ingenuity to the mold. Barbie can not dwell on past losses. The future is the way forward! Behold the spirit embodied into such artistry. It feels like heaven, though it was forged with damnation.


The book closes on this long kept secret. The process is now over and already seems dreamlike. We have coveted all and arose victorious. Another triumph for plastic dolls worldwide. Kudos to you, Naked Barbie. Kudos.



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