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I'm one classy wench


Yarr! I be Mystie Black Tuna, so by named by the cardboard chest that be housin' the new Pirates of the Caribbean Happy Meal. Me timbers be shiverin' at these fancy treasures ye can pillage from yer local McDonald's. Tis ashame I can not swap me drink fer a flask of rum. Arr.

meal deal

Thar be the grub ye be gettin from yer local McDonald's. Fit fer pirate and land lubber alike! Ye be collecting 8 toys in all. Each toy be themed wit summat from the hit summer Blockbuster, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. We be bringin' to ye reviews of all the booty ye can collect from the set. Set course fer fun cuz this lass be startin' the countdown. New toy reviews ho!

Toy 1

Permission to board! The first prize ye be gettin' is this fancy Pirates of the Caribbean cap. It be bright crimson like the blood flowing should ye find yerself on the wrong end of me sword! I be buckling my swash ter fight off the scurvy naives after me head wear. Ye better be catching yer Z's with this on, lest the crew snatch it right off yer head, scalp ye, and slit yer throat all the same!

It be fastened with royal velcro closure givin ye an all new style of pirattude! Har har har! If one of those bilge rats unfasten it from me head, they be smartly finding themselves lickin me boots. I suggest ye keep yers tightly closed, mateys!

They say dead men tell no tale, but this lad be telling plenty a tale! Shake the shrunken head of this deceased pirate, ask him a question and surely enough the answer will appear under his eyepatch. Ye be gettin' masterful words like, "Yo Ho, Maybe So!" and other piratey lingo. Thar I asked it if I be the sassiest shipmate to sail the seven seas and it said, "Aye Captain!" It be a true work of witchcraft.

Ne'er did I think the scallywags at McDonald's could produce such Voo Doo fer their Happy Meals. It just goes ter show ya, kids love pirates. That's why they be better than ninjas!

sword

On yer knees ya lilly-livered land lubber! One more step and I'll make ye walk the plank! This sword be fit fer swashbucklin' any inflatable foes that may find therselves yer way! It be forged of mighty vinyl and be baring the ole Jolly Roger. Fanciest kiddy meal toy I e'er did see!

I be bettin' many hands be getting a grand floggin with this prize. I be gettin' many sea dogs ready to kiss the gunner's daughter with me new swag.

plushie

Switching up me grub a little to prevent that dreaded cabin fever! This prize be a wide-eyed effigy of that savvy corsair Cap'n Jack Sparrow! Arg, I'd keelhaul the whole lot of ya just to get me hands on Jack Sparrow. I'd splice the mainbrace with him a thousandfold! At least now I got me miniature version.

Now I be set to work way atop the crow's nest! This telescope not only be retractable like, but it's even got a flashy red light, burning through the good eye of the skull. Ye can use it to stand starboard screaming, "Land ho!" or even to watch the buzzards fly by, getting ready to pick the rotting corpses that be captive to the sea.

If yar be gettin' a little bit of the curiosity brewin' in ye, it be best used as a spyglass. Keep yer eyes on your friends and your enemies, as they can be one in the same when piracy is the game. Yar har har har har!

Aye, it be a plush that ne'er find his way back back to shore. This scurvy skeleton be smiling all the way to Davy Jones Locker. AT first site I did think he might be glowing in the dark. I set to expose him to the light and then suffocate him in darkness. Glow he did not. But he ne'er did stop smilin'. I coulda made him walk the plank or scrape the barnacles off the rudder, and he be smilin' all the same.

I dare say most skeletons don't be grinnin' so. Last one I saw was still clutching to his last bit of treasure, as though it be valued more than 'is life. The sea is quick to claim such fools.

Well done! A miniature plastic treasure chest. Based off a real treasure chest! Be it filled with pieces o' eight? Better! Temporary tattoos, stickers, and the likes! All buccaneer themed. It even comes with a lock and key so's ye can keep it safe from foes. Best if ya not be storing too much of value inside, the lock don't hold too strongly.

Wherever the winds may take ye, ye can now scratch it all down with this pirate-themed journal! I had such a journal once, when I was stranded the Bermuda Triangle. A terrible storm did take me ship, and leave me deserted on a small island. The natives reeked of mink oil and ah did they lust for the barrels of alcohol that washed ashore.

Ne'er in my life did I think I'd escape that desolate hell hole. Thar one day when I was banging some coconuts apart to make meself a pina colada, I was found by some of the most mythical creatures the sea did birth. None believe me, but I tells ya the sea ponies did save me life that day. Lift me from that curse and leave me safely back to native lands they did. Take to heart that I owe them me life. It just goes ter show ye.... there's always another rainbow.

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