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My Little Ponies left a dark hole of emptiness in the late 90s and early 00's. The flame slowly burned out after their movie adventure. After a few years on the back burner, the ponies made a slow recovery and boomed back into their original phenomena. They no longer have a popular Saturday Morning cartoon show, but they've made about 500x the merchandise than in the 80s. With decades of new technology, they were even able to expand their horizons to the computer era.

Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake, and even ET had video games in the 80s. It took My Little Pony until 2004 to catch up. The ponies had a lot of magic to pound into their video game since they'd been storing it up for so long. They held off on the 8-bit shit until it was time to break out the 3D Powerhouse.

One easy installation and I was on my way to rainbow and frilly pink paradise. First your prompted to pick a pony and enter their name. All the ponies are females, which is sort of understood. After picking out an obscenely gorgeous pony and naming it, obviously, Mystie, I was saddling up for adventure! My omnipotent host for the evening had a British accent as sickeningly fake as Madonna's.

My quest was set forth - a series of tasks were to be completed before entry into the Friendship Ball. Fair enough. I shall make no haste in displaying my true colors of comradery. Before starting anything, it's very important to decorate the bedroom you're never going to use or collect anything in. I tried my best to decorate in black and blue, but black wasn't even an option and almost everything remained Pepto Pink.

The next thing I examined was a section set aside with craft and activity ideas. None of them seemed particularly inventive. A few cake recipes, dance moves, coloring pages, and the likes. Even a talentless boob with no writing ability like myself could have made this stuff up. I published better party ideas for the teen e-zine I wrote for back when I was 13. So much better, that they were too cool for any party I'd ever dream about getting invited to.

My first task just about had me smashing my keyboard against my monitor. I went though a billion dance routines before I solved the mystery of how to save them. It wasn't enough to just click them, you had to drag them to the little slots under the stage withou any instruction to do so. The Friendship Ball couldn't commence without ponies bucking and stepping around as though they were desperately trying to pick a scab on their ass. Task one completed and recognized by our odd English taskmaster.

Next it's time to prove our loyalty to the pony pack by helping out 3 pony pals. Most of them need you to scroll around finding things they lost or collecting ingredients. The landscape is filled with all things that represent My Little Ponies -- flowers, candy, rainbows, etc. There's one or two surprises around like butterfly orgies and magic twinkle menage-a-trios.

My Little Ponies are so magical, they don't need to refrigerate cheese. They let it sit on a shelf next to their eggs and ice cream cones. One of the ponies at the Cotton Candy Cafe needs help making the cake for the Friendship Ball. She encourages you when adding things like Starlight Cookies and Ice Cream Cones into the mix. I like grape juice, so I thought it'd make a nice mix with the jam I was tossing in there. Bake with lots of love and we're done.

Decoration time! Alright, throw up some streamers, some balloons and shiny things, and we're all done. Time for the ball! The ball introduces you to a new baby pony, Sparkleberry Swirl. She's not so much a baby pony as she is, um, shrunken. I think Sparkleberry Swirl was probably my personal grudge with the game. See, you get a free toy Sparkleberry Swirl with the game. As I opened it, I did what anyone with a new toy that came with a PC game would do. I cuddled her and put her on top of my shiny metal computer case. As I stuck her down, I heard this CLANG and she jumped down forcefully onto my case.

When I picked my pony up, I noticed there was a MAGNET stuck on the bottom of her one hoof!

Magnets + electronics = BAD!!!

Apparently the good people at Hasbro and Atari had never heard of this equation before. You can bet your ass if anything in my computer had been fried due to their stupidity in marketing, I'd be making one extremely pissed off call to customer service.

All that hard work and it's finally time to mingle and show off all your handicraft. You even get to have a makeover for the party. Hair, shoes, clothing. You do your dance, and show off your cake as all the ponies ooh and ahh over how you did all the work while they just blew up a few balloons. I thought my cake was pretty inventive. I like how the coil candles look sort of like little pink poos. I bet My Little Ponies have pink poos.

The fun doesn't end here! As a special secret treat, a PEGASUS pony has come to the party! Get ready, it's time to snap a photo of you and a flying pony! The pegasus even looks a million times hotter than any of the other ponies.

All in all, this was a fun game, but there wasn't too much to do --decorating cakes, collecting things, changing colors of stuff. There weren't even any games. They could have thrown in a Pony Arcade where you can go in and play Pony Pinball or Pony Pong. Not too much for repeat play unless you get off completing the game with all 4 player ponies.

I give this game 3 out of 5 magic sparkles.

sparkles

 

mystie@crowncombo.com

 

 
 

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