When I did the article on Mickey's Parade it was almost like a final farewell. I'd settled into the fact that I never again would gnaw frozen chocolate off Mickey Mouse's ears. It was indeed sad as I'd spent many a night in my youth happily watching TGIF with a grape Donald in my hand. His icy cream-filled form would drip on me as I watched Patrick Duffy try and bone Suzanne Somers on Step by Step.
Some time afterwards I was able to locate a commercial for the popsicles. The boxes of ice cream floated by the screen like ghosts toying with me, knowing I would never have them again. Then there was the Mickey arms. In my day, back when you had to pay extra for the Disney Channel, they had no commercials. There were only ads for other Disney features and the bumpers. One series of bumpers featured Mickey from the elbow down, performing tasks like grocery shopping and playing records.
This time Mickey's arms were leading a magical contest in which the recipient of the magical chosen popsicle stick would receive an all-expenses paid visit to Disney Studios for their birthday. The lesser winners would get Disney-themed prizes like cassette players and probably videos and shit. The best is watching the kid at the end holding the stick and pretending to be excited as paper cut-outs of Mickey, Donald, and Goofy wave in front of the camera.
(Download the Disney Frozen Treats commercial)
Months had passed and although I thought I would never have a Disney ice cream treat again, I took some solace in knowing that I would not let them be forgotten. I was at Wal-Mart after work one day, smack in the middle of doing the Peepdown to Easter. I was passing by the frozen food section just in case they stuck some Peeps in Kid Cuisine. As I pushed my cart past the ice cream, I noticed his face in the corner of my eye.
It was the face of Mickey. In ice cream. I'm not ashamed to admit that I gasped, and not just a little. I gasped like I'd literally seen a ghost, because I never in a million years thought I'd see Mickey carved out in ice cream again. I composed myself, blocking the entrance to the case with my cart as I began feverishly grabbing box after box. The only other Disney novelty I noticed was Incredibles cones, but I didn't care. I had my Mickey. He was mine again, and soon I would once again taste the sweet nectar of the ice cream Gods.
Now you may note there's some little blurb on there about heath stuff. Food companies feel the need these days to put on any healthy fact they can about their product, even if it's something stupid like being high in riboflavin. This isn't anything that is going to sacrifice the taste of the ice cream by adding strange chemicals that make it "healthier."
I don't know if it was just because I was a small child at the time, but I really remembered the original Mickey Mouse bars being huuuuuge. These new ones are on the small side. There's still the same smile, though. The box appears to have an adaptation on the mickey smile, but it's still the same smile shape and everything! Most importantly being, of course, the chocolate coated ears.
It's not just chocolate coating, either. Once you bite off the chocolate ear skin there's chocolate ice cream hidden underneath. It tastes just as heavenly as it did 15 years ago. Each bite is another creamy step towards the death of the Mickey Mouse face.
The back of the box stars a breakdown of how to draw Mickey. I can't draw shit in a 3/4 profile. My drawn Mickey looks the same as my pancake shaped Mickey -- that is to say -- three circles. I had a handful of "How to draw _______" books as a child, but most of them were filled with tracing paper. That's not to say I have no artistic talent. I do a mean still life or landscape, but when it comes to anything involving a pose I'm totally fucked.
Since finding these, I haven't gone to a single grocery store that isn't carrying Chocolate Ears Mickey. I'm overjoyed to see them back. As the only person on the internet that mentioned anything about Mickey Mouse ice cream bars ever, I'd like to take full responsibility for bringing them back. You can all thank me personally by dropping an e-mail to email@example.com.