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I was really excited to find this cereal still shrink-wrapped and unopened at a local flea market. I know it's not particularly rare or valuable, but it's my first retro cereal purchase. My inner goth has always loved the Addams Family movies -- everything from the costumes to the script to dancing the Mamushka. Especially Christopher Lloyd, he's such a versatile actor. Judge Doom, Dr Emmett Brown, Professor Plum, Jim Ignatowski, Uncle Fester... no one else could have pulled off all those roles.

The best thing about the movie as opposed to the TV series is that Gomez was fucking hot. There's nothing more appealing to a woman than a man that will worship every step you take. I once had a guy try the "cara mia" move on me once, and let me tell you -- it worked. It worked well.

I know I've had this cereal before because I remember owning the Thing flashlight at some point. It's not high on the color or candy-bit meter, but it does come with a cool prize and a cut-out on the back of the box. The cereal pieces don't have much going for them, but considering it was made by Purina, I'm just glad it's not Meaty Cow Colon flavored. It boasts a taste you'll scream for, but unless you're orgasmic for Cheerios, it's all hyperbole.

Ralston Purina was infamous for producing poor cereals and slapping whatever current merchandising icon they could on the box. The Addams Family may not have been your first pick of cereals, but with the prize strapped firmly to the front, it'll be one of the first a kid will notice. After all, that's why you pay double the money for name brand cereal. Kids know the generic Fruity Pebbles are the same damn thing, but they don't come with a Fred Flintstone water squirter!

*snicker* The door hanger looks suspiciously like a creepy male sex toy. I don't need a door hanger, though. I already have one that works much better. I'd of been more impressed with a Lurch mask cut-out. The flashlight that came with is covered in gooey adhesive on the back. The batteries are dead, but I doubt they lasted past the cereal expiration date. I could put new batteries in and see if it still works, but getting covered in rotted battery acid can't be as fun the second time around.

Wow did this box stink. The cereal seemed fine and almost edible but man was there some serious funk permeating from the box. I lit some candles to drench out the smell, but I just wound up inhaling a mix of musty cereal and lemongrass. As I licked one of the pieces with my nose clothespinned shut I noticed a distinct Kix-like flavor. Sweet, crunchy, corn-puffy. I have no idea what all the pieces are supposed to be. One is a skull, and the other almost looks like Thing except with 4 fingers. The third shape is maybe a ghoul of some sort.

The prospect of eating 15 year old cereal seemed only slightly more appetizing than eating razor blades. In 3 more years this cereal will be old enough to vote. Maybe if it had marshmallows or sprinkles it would up the ante. At the very least I could try to make a cereal homage that was colorful and pleasing to look upon. I knew I'd need some heavy duty materials to build such a monument.

Mystie: Kermit have you seen my glitter glue?

Kermit: How the hell can you see anything in here? You room is littered with old VHS tapes and dirty laundry!

Mystie: Don't mess with me, frog. I'm on the rag so if you don't give me a straight answer I'll snap your froggy legs off and have them for dinner.

Kermit: *gulp* I think it's in the drawer with your sketchbooks.

 

After a few hours in intensive care the operation was a success. It took a lot of glue, crayons, markers, and stickers, but I think it was worth it.

 

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