This year Jones has outdone themselves with a pretty in pink gift pack for Valentine's Day aptly named "Love Potion #6." Because when you mix love potion #6 and #9 you get... well.... you see where this is going. For a mere $10 you can go to Target and get a sweet gift pack of Jones Soda which, dare I say, beats the shit out of the "Git-R-Done" boxed chocolates at Wal-Mart. For something this saturated with love, I had to request the assistance of romance expert Mistress Mystie.
This delightfully pink concoction makes Mistress Mystie very happy. She likes her soda the same color as a freshly spanked ass. The flavor is a sensuously sweet strawberry, that leaves a warm, excited feeling her belly. The strawberries are ripe and fresh, unlike a lot of the cheap artificial fruit sodas. Ah, the sweet sensation of carbonation!
What makes this Jones Soda pack extra special are the freebies. Ladies like Mistress Mystie love getting a little something extra. The love coupons are delightfully enjoyable. It'll be especially enjoyable if your man slave doesn't actually know what's on these coupons before he gives them to you. Mistress Mystie's idea of an "Extreme Toilet Makeover" involves a lot of black leather boots and whips.
Mistress Mystie doesn't even need this one. She is always Overlord of the Remote Control. What she does need is the Love Potion #6 flavored lip balm to share with all the men that will be kissing her ass this Valentine's.
Also to recreate the secret talent scene in The Breakfast Club. This trick is for professionals only. Kids, don't try this at home.
WARNING: Applying Jones Soda lip gloss with your cleavage will not make Judd Nelson fall in love with you.
Alright, a CD of crappy music! Mistress Mystie is not amused as these songs are not nearly as long or sensual enough for one of her intimate affairs. Perhaps a track of "Sexual Healing" would have been more fitting.
Overall, if the bottles came with a vibrating cap, it'd be the best Valentine's present ever. Especially for those ladies without man slaves. Or worse yet, the poor military girlfriends who gave up their man slaves for a greater good.
Feel free to include Jones Soda into your cocktail hour. Mistress Mystie suggests this soda would go well with a nice fruity schnapps. She also suggests you use your coupon to send your 2 free bottle of Jones Soda to her.