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Eating Bugs

I've seen a few TV specials on the subject of eating bugs. I could never imagine myself as one of those people that enjoyed grasshoppers as a pizza topping. As I kid I liked to play with bugs, but never digest them. My elementary school had an annual third grade Bug Fair. We'd all catch bugs, pin them to pieces of Styrofoam and bring them in to display our captures. We'd also drink Bug Juice and listen to Flight of the Bumblebee among other bug-related activities. But there was no real eating of bugs.

In my day we ate pretend bugs. Gummi worms and the likes. One substitute teacher I had in 4th grade, Miss Freeman, read How To Eat Fried Worms to us and then served "worm cookies" which were really just coconut. Kids who held the tarantula on What Would You Do? were hardcore. These days if you don't want to be dumped in a vat of tarantulas you're a fucking pussy.

Bug Display

My curious eyes absorbed this display with much disbelief. Real bugs. !00% real bugs with Mexican spice. Why? Why not? I thought back to blindly dipping into Bertie Bot's Everyflavor beans and once nearly vomiting over a Sardine flavored jelly bean. People buy those all the time despite the repugnant taste of half of them. Larva. Crunchy. Larva.

Somehow, I came into ownership of this little Fear Factor take-out box of terror. On the box they look almost edible. Inside you find a little packet of dried bugs. There's a little pair of chopsticks to eat them with attached to the side. For some reason, I found my damnable curiosity getting the best of me. I opened the box, peering inside. I grabbed one, and lead the demon forth into my mouth.

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PTOOEY!! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS TERRIBLE! Crunchy does not even begin to describe the texture of these things. Once it hit the slightest bit of moisture on my tongue it EXPLODED in my mouth. Have you ever eaten Pop Rocks and had one of those rocks that were so super-charged it chipped your teeth? Times that by 10 and that's what it's like to eat one of these things -- an oral earthquake.

3 hours and 10 glasses of Ice Tea later, I could still feel the tiny fiend inside my mouth. I'm going to put this away so it doesn't tempt me again...

Trash can

That ought to do it.





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